They were together for three years and briefly engaged, and they broke up two years before we met. The man I'm going to marry has a huge boot fetish. He refuses to discuss this issue, even as I lose sleep over it. I've tried calmly discussing this with him, I've tried crying, I've tried screaming my head off—nothing works. There's a perverse thrill in her other lovers being totally oblivious to it, but we want to be ethical in our polyamorous ways. There are things we have a right to ask the people with whom we have casual sex—like whether they're practicing ethical nonmonogamy, if they have an STI, what kind of birth control they're using, whether they're on PrEP, etc.
Your role-playing games take place before she fucks someone else when she asks your permission and after she fucks someone else when she recounts her experience. Now for the caveat: We're in a cuckold relationship—she sleeps with other men and women, while I am completely monogamous to her—and "my" best man is one of her regular male sex partners and her maid of honor is one her girlfriends with benefits. There's a perverse thrill in her other lovers being totally oblivious to it, but we want to be ethical in our polyamorous ways. I'm picturing a big group of guys doing for him what I do for him: Zooming out for a second: My go-to example of PSP is the foot fetishist who works in a shoe store. He's the only fetishist I've ever been with—all my other boyfriends were vanilla—and I'm wondering how he would react if he walked into a room and found a bunch of his friends wearing his boots and then I ordered him to start licking. There are things we have a right to ask the people with whom we have casual sex—like whether they're practicing ethical nonmonogamy, if they have an STI, what kind of birth control they're using, whether they're on PrEP, etc. They were together for three years and briefly engaged, and they broke up two years before we met. The man I'm going to marry has a huge boot fetish. His size also happens to be my size—and I'm half convinced he wouldn't have proposed if we didn't have the same size feet and I couldn't wear his boots. They know she isn't monogamous and they are aware of her relationship with me, but so far she has chosen not to tell them the extent to which I "own" her and have jurisdiction over her body and actions. I want to surprise him with a very special bachelor party that we'll both attend: But I wanted to let you know, Dan, since reading your column is what inspired me to be open about my kinks, and our relationship—the best I've ever been in—wouldn't exist without you. If that's true, why not delete them? His feet aren't an uncommon size No one else at our big traditional church wedding that her mother is paying for will know. Tweet Joe Newton I've been enjoying consensual nonmonogamy for the past two years, in part thanks to your column and podcast. Your boyfriend isn't out to his friends about his kink. Some people in open relationships don't want to know what their partners get up to, and these couples usually have "don't ask, don't tell" agreements about sex outside the relationship. On the Lovecast, a sex toy expert's husband's favorite sex toy: We are curious how much of this she needs to disclose to her other lovers. My boyfriend of one year has refused to delete photos from his Instagram account that show him with his ex-girlfriend. He's not really "out"about his kink.
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