Grief felt after the loss of a baby from miscarriage or other event is not necessarily depression and while there may be some overlap, it should not be treated as such. Here is what we know: It is entirely appropriate for you to spend time with those who are able to give you what you need, and to take distance from those who do not. Receiving appropriate support will be imperative in your healing and there may be work to do in relearning your relationships given this new reality. Many, many women who go through this loss feel a deep need to grab onto other things in their life for fear of losing those, too. With the information gathered from both my clients and my dear friend who is now a clinician in San Francisco specializing in perinatal loss , this post is written for all of the moms out there who are trying to navigate the unfamiliar postpartum experience while also grieving the loss of a child that never made it home or past that first year mark. Finding a way to honor your pregnancy or your baby through ritual or event is often a lovely way of incorporating that being into your life as you move forward.
Some women who lose babies through miscarriage are able to move through this loss freely, while others feel deep despair at this loss. If this is happening to you, let those close to you know. Receiving appropriate support will be imperative in your healing and there may be work to do in relearning your relationships given this new reality. Many moms will experience depression that includes feelings of guilt, shame, self-doubt, and sometimes suicidal ideation. You may find reminders in the places where you least intend them to be. Finding a way to honor your pregnancy or your baby through ritual or event is often a lovely way of incorporating that being into your life as you move forward. No right way to feel. If you feel deep loss and grief then that, too, is appropriate. Often, losing a baby is a very different experience for a mother than it is for her partner, as she was the one who felt the development of this baby and feels, still, the physical loss as her body adjusts to no longer being pregnant. This can make the experience of healing feel impossible for many. Many of you will want desperately to talk about your babies, to bring them to life through your words and memories, to make room for them in conversation and in your experiences. There are no words to explain the depth of despair that a parent goes through when attempting to understand the shift that occurs when all hopes and expectations suddenly drop out from underneath anything stable. However, you deserve to be well and the feeling that you must keep grieving in order to stay faithful to your baby will not serve you. As mentioned so many times on this blog, community is imperative and I am certain that there are others out there who can offer you the kind of solace, strength, and integrity that you will need as you continue to heal. Loss can often beget feelings of loss. Losing a baby though miscarriage, elective termination, stillbirth, childbirth, after a NICU stay, SIDS, or any other time is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult experiences that a parent will ever endure. If you are not aware of a shifting through the stages of grief and continue to feel debilitated by your suffering, there may be an element of clinical depression or anxiety that needs to be addressed. Some people will worry that bringing your baby and your loss in conversation will be upsetting to you. It is normal to feel triggered into sadness and despair when you least expect it. Postpartum depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders can affect a mom regardless of the point at which a baby is delivered. Your pregnancy and your baby will always be a part of you. With the information gathered from both my clients and my dear friend who is now a clinician in San Francisco specializing in perinatal loss , this post is written for all of the moms out there who are trying to navigate the unfamiliar postpartum experience while also grieving the loss of a child that never made it home or past that first year mark. Just because you are ready to feel whole again, are healing, and may decide to have more children, this does not mean that the baby who you lost is forgotten. In the US, approximately 11, infants die within 24 hours of their birth each year. Identity shifting is a huge piece of the postpartum experience for every new parent, and yet moms who lose their babies are not able to show the world their mother-ness. It is an experience that many will never need to make sense of and also one that many others will swim through unexpectedly. If you feel strong and grounded and ready to move forward after a miscarriage that is totally valid.
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