In many instances, these efforts to procure the love that was lost lead instead to disappointment, low self-esteem, and further feelings of loss. Identifying with an unavailable father can occur in the form of picking unavailable lovers, or turning oneself into an unavailable lover or both. Frustrated love seeks a way to have that person psychologically if not physically. Relationship patterns of emotional mistreatment or abuse are relinquished and higher standards for love and respect are established. Frustrated love will not ignore the person who frustrates. Otherwise unresolved grief is acted-out as absence and unavailability in love relationships in some cases for a lifetime.
In a healthy father-daughter relationship, a daughter feels nurtured by her father, and acknowledged as on her way to becoming a woman. An adult lover cannot give the love a father was supposed to give. The accelerated psychological maturation is a joy and wonder to witness. Relationship patterns of emotional mistreatment or abuse are relinquished and higher standards for love and respect are established. Just as with a son, a daughter needs to experience the presence and love of a stable father growing up. There is only one chronological childhood. The lessons involve, understanding who men are, how they think, what they value, what they respect, and how they commit themselves in love when attracted to a woman. Frustrated love will not ignore the person who frustrates. In many instances older needs for parenting love emerge somewhat later in a relationship, once the excitement and newness wear thin. This post focuses on what a woman might experience with a father who is unavailable and how it might influence her adult love life. In many instances, these efforts to procure the love that was lost lead instead to disappointment, low self-esteem, and further feelings of loss. You can save a child a lot of unhappiness when loss and the need to grieve that loss are taken seriously. When this need for love is not met by an available loving father two things will happen: Otherwise unresolved grief is acted-out as absence and unavailability in love relationships in some cases for a lifetime. Identifying with an unavailable father can occur in the form of picking unavailable lovers, or turning oneself into an unavailable lover or both. The worst part of all this is the misery it creates and re-creates largely due to the fact that the original feelings of grief were never resolved. Frustrated love seeks a way to have that person psychologically if not physically. The implications for her feeling about herself as a person and her love life are always positive. She is keeping unavailability alive in one form or another as an emotional tribute to her absent father and his influence on her. The semi-conscious hope is that she will take care of a lover well enough that he will be able to return the favor at some point later on. These lessons prepare a daughter for the task of making better choices in her love life. When this happens it is common for a daughter to look to boyfriends, lovers, and eventually husbands to provide the love that has been missing from her father. This need although active is usually buried in unawareness and sex can be bartered for affection and attention from men who are attracted to her.
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